At a group dinner in a restaurant, the Schnorrer knows how to handle himself He makes sure to be the last one to contribute to the bill once it comes. This is the equivalent of being the big blind in poker; being in the seat of power. He has gleaned from life experience that the last one who pays the bill is the one to count the money pile. More often than not, people over contribute. The $18 owed, turns into $20, the …

When throwing a party, The Schnorrer frontloads the refreshments presented to his guests with potato chips, potato puffs, pretzels, salsa and corn chips, peanuts and carob.  He offers this wide assortment of relatively cheap starches knowing that his guests will fill up on these, especially when mixed with bloat-inducing beer and soda.  He sits back and watches these amatuers  stuff themeselves on cheap filler, while he strategically holds back the fried chicken, pastrami, and Beef Wellington.  In this way he is both higly regarded for laying out a suptuous spread …

The Schnorrer conscientiously records the birthdays of each and every one of his co-workers.  He then makes sure that his boss knows when each of these days fall.  The boss, interested in the moral of the workplace, will usually spring for a celebratory cake.  This means that the Schnorrer is in for a slice of the action.
But there is far more to this birthday ploy than pastry.  The office birthday party usually occurs during the working hours, and this usually slices a half hour to an hour of the Schnorrer’s …

The holiday party season is nearly upon us and if you’re wise, you can maintain your present credit card balance through the first of the year by replacing restaurants and bars with a healthy serving of parties. But how? Even the most popular among us would be hard pressed to fill their dance card every night of the week. With some new and old methodology, your calendar will bustle with promising party action for the next two months.
Read your Facebook newsfeed, and check out the feature “friends’ events.” Any party …

What distinguishes a schnorrer from the the run of the mill freeloader is timing and stealth.   We all know that a dog’s favorite food is leftovers.  Even canines know the difference between homemade and canned.  And who doesn’t want to pamper their pooch?  Here’s the deal:  Pay close attention to your neighbor’s eating habits.  Then, time it so that you stop by his house with Buddy about a half hour into his meal.  When Buddy walks in with you, he will instinctively  run to the dinner table and beg for …

There is no better way to butter someone up than with a compliment.  We all have those neighbors that spends hours gardening, and have the most amazing looking vegetables and herbs.  Hang around the block, and visit them while they’re working in their gardens. Continue to compliment them on the great job they’ve done with the garden until they finally offer you some free vegetables or fruit.  Do this with several neighbors in order to spread out these foraging trips and limit them to one or two per month for each …

Dear Schnorrer,
I recently started dating a guy and things have been going really well.  On Sunday, we were on the highway with lots of traffic.  A funeral procession started driving on the right lane, and all of a sudden, he got in the right lane, and put his lights on as if he were part of the procession.  While I enjoyed the quicker trip, I thought this was a major lapse in taste.  Should I be worried that this behavior is part of a bigger character flaw?
Am I dating a …

Dear Schnorrer,
With the cost of printer ink so high, I have been claiming my printer broke and asking friends if they can print stuff for me.  Is this unethical?
Dave
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Dear Dave,
Of course it’s unethical.  What’s your problem?
The Schnorrer

Dear Schnorrer,
 A coworker from our building has been taking and eating people’s lunch from the office refrigerator.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s leftover chicken or a sandwich, it is eaten.  It’s not only me who this is happening to.  Other people on our floor have been having their lunches taken as well.  What do we do?
 Ann
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Dear Ann,
The SCHNORRER has a three step program to counter the classic refrigerator schnorr.
1-First, build a hearty hard roll sandwich to tantalize the culprit. The bread should be copiously lubricated  with vegetabled oil and mayonnaise. …