Food prices are skyrocketing these days for normal Americans.   And for arugula-organic-free-range slaves like me, sticker shock is becoming a cardiac arrest.  So I’ve found a few creative ways to cut food costs at the supermarket.  And if done right, they won’t get you banned for life from your favorite store.
1)    Look for mold in the produce aisle.  While others look to make sure a box of strawberries is mold-free, I go for the ones with mold.  Then, after I’ve eaten all the good ones that day, I return the …

Dear Schnorrer,
Living with a family of schnorring men (I have 4 sons), there is one schnorr that drives me nuts.  Whenever I make or buy a dessert pie, someone thinks they are so smart, and eats filling thinking that I won’t notice that pie has been eaten since the crust is still intact. Your responses are very clever, so I hope you can help here.
Thanks,
Barbara
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Dear Barbara:
Thanks for putting your faith in The Schnorrer.  Schnorring is an action that which falls out of the field of accepted norms. What you describe …

When the Schnorrer goes to an ice cream emporium, he instinctively understands that it may be worth his while to forgo his turn in line in order to be served by the plumpest counter person in the store.  The Schnorrer has gleaned from life experience that a chubby person serves ice cream to others as he would serve unto himself—large, overflowing scoops, extra whipped cream, more nuts and an auxiliary cherry or two.  To be an accomplished Schnorrer is to realize that character is destiny.
Who is the Schnorrer?
Who knows what …

The Suggested Donation Event is a baited operation that has the potential of exposing a schnorrer’s motives, and, in turn, damaging their reputation.
A schnorrer with a bad reputation is called a Mooch, and, say it with me, once a mooch, always a mooch! After an undesirable exposure, the schnorrer must uproot, say farewell, and find a new habitat to start anew. Humans are an unforgiving bunch.
If you find yourself drawn to a Suggested Donation Event, I strongly advise you to consider the following:
1.)   Either have the Suggested Amount of Donation …

Any nicotine fiend surely knows that cigarette prices are through the roof, but knowledge alone is never enough to crush your craving.  Fortunately, this situation can usually be saved by simply asking your fellow smokers for a kick-down.  Bumming is by far the most widely accepted way to Schnorr a smoke.  In fact, most smokers have probably turned to it at least once in their life.  The true Schnorrer, however, manages to turn it into an art form. 
1.  Choose your hunting grounds.  To maximize your potential earnings you are going …

Any urbane schnorrer regularly encounters the problem of sobriety, and is always on the lookout for places where a date will consider freeloading cultured rather than boorish. With these simple tips, you may never have to buy a glass of cheap wine again.
1: Consult the local rags
Most free weekly papers have a section for gallery listings. You want the “openings,” where poor schlubs hope that a case of Tecate and some Trader Joe’s cheese cubes will entice you to drop thousands on their post-pre-late-early-modernist drivel. A true schnorrer knows that …

The Schnorrer’s Ten Commandments of Eating at a Smorgasbord
1– At the roast beef, turkey and pastrami carving board station, thou shalt always ask for more than one slice. 
2– When thou hast finished eating from your little cocktail plate, which now looketh disgusting from the fast-cngealing sauces, don’t go out of your way to find a place to put it down. Stick it anywhere on the smorgasbord table and goeth about your business.
3– Crudités are for amateurs (roughage is overrated anyway.) Thou shalt pass.
4– Wasteth not time on laying down a …

If you are one of the millions of Americans who work a lackluster job with an evil boss, here are some ways to get back at The Man.
Follow these simple rules and you will feel more accomplished as a member of the work force.
WASTE TIME: Be late to everything, but not too late. Be slow to task, but not too slow. Shave a minute or two off everything you do. Pretend you are mentally vacant, but not totally retarded. The key is to keep the workday waning. The less time …

Ladies and Gentlemen, these here are the tried and true rules of haggling.  We must express caution, as it will lead to excitement and adrenalin pumping through your body.
1.  Stop caring what people think of you.
Many people hesitate to haggle because they don’t want to seem cheap or argumentative. But are you really willing to pay top dollar just so you can preserve the esteem of total strangers? You’re only meeting them this once, and you’ll probably never meet them again.
Even if you’re shopping with people you know, they might …