In a recession, we all need to make sacrifices, but come Hell or high water, I’m hanging onto my Friday nights out like those still hanging onto the glimmering hope of the Democrats digging us out of this mess. Until then, I choose sacrifices of a different breed. Girls, leave your hangups at the door: tonight, you’re drinking for free.
1. The Sad Bartender
It’s hard to believe, but some bartenders don’t think they’re “all that.” The best clubs may have bartenders that look like Abercrombie models, but hit up some of …

If your friends are always dragging you to Starbucks for $5 venti chai lattes, you can quench your thirst without bleeding Lincolns. At the coffee shop, the schnorrer avoids caffeine in order to avoid paying. Most coffee shops offer complementary coffee accouterments: milk, half and half, sugar, cocoa powder, cinnamon, etc. The schnorrer knows that these are the recombinant elements of a delectable drink. Surreptitiously grab an empty cup and then head over to the coffee primping station. Start with the cocoa powder, unscrewing the lid to knock a few tablespoons …

Here we go again. Another year is almost over. For a lot of people it symbolizes a fresh start and a clean slate. In reality, January 1 is an entirely arbitrary date, but that has never stopped your friends or anyone else from waiting until now to make positive changes in their life.
But with everyone trying to make changes for the better, a natural support network can emerge. So why not help your friends along while making some changes of your own? This is a once a year opportunity to …

Any urbane schnorrer regularly encounters the problem of sobriety, and is always on the lookout for places where a date will consider freeloading cultured rather than boorish. With these simple tips, you may never have to buy a glass of cheap wine again.
1: Consult the local rags
Most free weekly papers have a section for gallery listings. You want the “openings,” where poor schlubs hope that a case of Tecate and some Trader Joe’s cheese cubes will entice you to drop thousands on their post-pre-late-early-modernist drivel. A true schnorrer knows that …

Dear Schnorrer:
I recently returned a half empty, half full bottle of wine to my liquor store.  It wasn’t half bad and it wasn’t half good.  The clerk  refused to take it back and give me a store credit.  He argued that I must have had my way with it since it was half empty.  Most unsporting, I thought.  How do you suggest I handle such an episode, and I do plan on having many such episodes, in the future.
Cheers,
Louis De Palma
 —————————–
Dear Louis:
Don’t I know you from some place? 
The way I …

It’s high time for more enlightened but cash-strapped men to start doing what savvy women have been doing for centuries: dating for monetary gain.  Thanks to a more level employment playing field for women and the explosion of the “cougar” phenomenon, male gold-digging is alive and well.  Women are a bit trickier to handle than men, so aspiring male gold-diggers should heed the following advice carefully:
1. Seek out the progessive ladies only.  More conservative, old-fashioned types will still want a man who supports his wife and brings home the bacon.  …

The holiday party season is nearly upon us and if you’re wise, you can maintain your present credit card balance through the first of the year by replacing restaurants and bars with a healthy serving of parties. But how? Even the most popular among us would be hard pressed to fill their dance card every night of the week. With some new and old methodology, your calendar will bustle with promising party action for the next two months.
Read your Facebook newsfeed, and check out the feature “friends’ events.” Any party …

There are few greater expenses for the holidays than preparing the Thanksgiving meal.  With the turkey, stuffing, and all the trimmings, this holiday turns into a fortune.  There is no better way to save money on your Thanksgiving meal than by being hosted by someone else.  Save yourself the time of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and all the stress involved.  Here are some tried and true ways of finagling an invitation to someone else’s meal.
 
The False Invite – Pick one of your friends who you know has turkey with all the trimmings …

Once upon a time, a woman was guaranteed a free ride any time she went on a date, with no obligation to even kiss her benefactor goodnight. Today that is not the case, despite the continued gender wage gap, and her continued responsibility for bearing children. Thanks to a certain 1970s social movement that liberated men from having to pay for stuff, those golden days of rest-assured, free three-course meals are long gone. However, if a girl uses a little tact, she can keep her wallet in-tact after a night …