The Schnorrer’s Ten Commandments of Eating at a Smorgasbord
1– At the roast beef, turkey and pastrami carving board station, thou shalt always ask for more than one slice. 
2– When thou hast finished eating from your little cocktail plate, which now looketh disgusting from the fast-cngealing sauces, don’t go out of your way to find a place to put it down. Stick it anywhere on the smorgasbord table and goeth about your business.
3– Crudités are for amateurs (roughage is overrated anyway.) Thou shalt pass.
4– Wasteth not time on laying down a …

What’s a normal dinner out? An appetizer, an entree, maybe some drinks, and double that if you’re on a date. So why pay retail? With this simple guide to the all you can eat, stop noshing and start fressing like a schnorrer!
1) Be hungry
This goes without saying, right? But watch the buffet line — those folks who can only manage thirds or fourths, those are the chumps who stuffed themselves with Doritos on the way over. Eat a big, starchy breakfast, then just drink water the rest of the day. …

At any affair that features a smorgasboard,  look upon other guests as opponents..never forget that.  Box them out at the chafing dishes with all the succulent meats…even if you are not really hungry, it’s important to keep your skills up. If there is a dish you particularly covet, start an ugly disparaging rumor, stressing the unsanitary handling you observed during preparation and presentation  This should significantly cut down on foot traffic, allowing you free access to the “offending” delicacy.
Be a good listener. Not only is this polite manners, but the …