Let’s face it: you and your crew of fellow college grads are over frat house keggers, having traded them in for rooftop bars. Yet despite how, crude, obnoxious, and clueless about the “real” work you find college kids-and trust me, if you’re still attending you’ll share this sentiment once you graduate- the benefits of adopting one are plentiful. Preferably, your student will be under the age of 21; that way, assuming you are of age, your ability to obtain alcohol legally will have him at your mercy. Although constantly being …

Dear Schnorrer,
My brother and his fiance are planning a destination wedding in  Costa Rica. They are expecting 50 guests to attend. However, they  have informed me that their guest list is 375 people.  I think this is inappropriate, since most of these people will not  be able to make the trip. The list  includes elderly relatives who  are unable to travel. I admit to having no experience with  destination weddings. Is this an acceptable practice?
Mildred
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Dear Mildred:
Not only is this an acceptible practice, but it as an absolutely  brilliant strategy for …

Sorry, boys… but this one’s for the ladies, and no, girls, it doesn’t have anything to do with showing a bit of cleavage (though I’ve got nothing against worming your way into a free drink with a well-placed neckline). I’m talking about brushing up on your acting skills, more specifically, crying.
Crying can get you out of a lot of little problems—I’ve been known to get a due date or two extended by shedding a few tears—but crying can also be quite useful in avoiding monetary missteps and keeping a few …

Recently, The Schnorrer was sitting in a subway car, minding his own business, looking at his fellow riders and marvelling at the great variety of humanity created by the Almighty.  A burly man got on the train and sat next to The Schnorrer.  He didn’t just sit, however.  He spread his legs and squirmed, forcing The Schnorrer to sit with his legs tightly touching one another, the rest of his body positioned like a West Point Plebe at attention. Clearly The Schnorrer was being out -manuevered by a space schnorrer, …

If your friends are always dragging you to Starbucks for $5 venti chai lattes, you can quench your thirst without bleeding Lincolns. At the coffee shop, the schnorrer avoids caffeine in order to avoid paying. Most coffee shops offer complementary coffee accouterments: milk, half and half, sugar, cocoa powder, cinnamon, etc. The schnorrer knows that these are the recombinant elements of a delectable drink. Surreptitiously grab an empty cup and then head over to the coffee primping station. Start with the cocoa powder, unscrewing the lid to knock a few tablespoons …

To say the corporation is the schnorrer’s best friend may seem a truism hardly worth elaborating. Its customer-is-always-right attitude and its affinity for “writeoffs” are a godsend to the freeloader. But to reach the large bills in companies’ ample wallets, the schnorrer knows you have to move beyond the storefront to the generous bureaucratic bosom that is the Customer Service Department. 
The schnorrer is always on the lookout for imperfections and irregularities in the products he buys. These flaws do not have to be major–a slightly curved baseball bat, a pair …

Dear Schnorrer:
I went on a dinner date last night with this guy who I thought was a real mensch.. When the bill came, I noticed that the waiter had accidentally given us the wrong bill–it was half the price it should have been.  Before I could say a word, my date paid the bill and put on his jacket to leave.
What are you thoughts about this incident.  Should I see this guy again?
Thanks,
Rachel.
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Dear Rachel:
The scenario you described exemplifies one of the main principles of schnorring–CARPE SCHNORRUM–seize the opportunity to schnorr
When …

Here we go again. Another year is almost over. For a lot of people it symbolizes a fresh start and a clean slate. In reality, January 1 is an entirely arbitrary date, but that has never stopped your friends or anyone else from waiting until now to make positive changes in their life.
But with everyone trying to make changes for the better, a natural support network can emerge. So why not help your friends along while making some changes of your own? This is a once a year opportunity to …

You got this one; I get the next one. No, you get the . . . I’ll get . . . you get—STOP!
Next time you’re out with a friend or acquaintance leap at the first opportunity to treat them to a cup of coffee or a stale muffin from the day-old bin beside the register. In the politics of You Buy This, I Buy That, it’s important to establish that you’re neither a mooch nor a schnorr. Although of course, you’re both. But you must first establish yourself as generous, …