At a group dinner in a restaurant, the Schnorrer knows how to handle himself He makes sure to be the last one to contribute to the bill once it comes. This is the equivalent of being the big blind in poker; being in the seat of power. He has gleaned from life experience that the last one who pays the bill is the one to count the money pile. More often than not, people over contribute. The $18 owed, turns into $20, the …

When the Schnorrer goes to an ice cream emporium, he instinctively understands that it may be worth his while to forgo his turn in line in order to be served by the plumpest counter person in the store.  The Schnorrer has gleaned from life experience that a chubby person serves ice cream to others as he would serve unto himself—large, overflowing scoops, extra whipped cream, more nuts and an auxiliary cherry or two.  To be an accomplished Schnorrer is to realize that character is destiny.
Who is the Schnorrer?
Who knows what …

Do you cringe when you get that Trojan horse of a letter from your cable company which starts by telling you how honored they are to serve you.  You know what’s coming next as surely as heart burn follows jalapenos…..a rate increase.  While most look at this as a harbinger of gloom, the Schnorrer looks at this as an opportunity….to renegotiate.
Most companies providing basic services such as phone, internet, cable, etc realize that these are open to competition.  When the inevitable letter arrives, the Schnorrer finds out which department is …

Dear Schnorrer,
My brother and his fiance are planning a destination wedding in  Costa Rica. They are expecting 50 guests to attend. However, they  have informed me that their guest list is 375 people.  I think this is inappropriate, since most of these people will not  be able to make the trip. The list  includes elderly relatives who  are unable to travel. I admit to having no experience with  destination weddings. Is this an acceptable practice?
Mildred
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Dear Mildred:
Not only is this an acceptible practice, but it as an absolutely  brilliant strategy for …

Recently, The Schnorrer was sitting in a subway car, minding his own business, looking at his fellow riders and marvelling at the great variety of humanity created by the Almighty.  A burly man got on the train and sat next to The Schnorrer.  He didn’t just sit, however.  He spread his legs and squirmed, forcing The Schnorrer to sit with his legs tightly touching one another, the rest of his body positioned like a West Point Plebe at attention. Clearly The Schnorrer was being out -manuevered by a space schnorrer, …

The Schnorrer’s Ten Commandments of Eating at a Smorgasbord
1– At the roast beef, turkey and pastrami carving board station, thou shalt always ask for more than one slice. 
2– When thou hast finished eating from your little cocktail plate, which now looketh disgusting from the fast-cngealing sauces, don’t go out of your way to find a place to put it down. Stick it anywhere on the smorgasbord table and goeth about your business.
3– Crudités are for amateurs (roughage is overrated anyway.) Thou shalt pass.
4– Wasteth not time on laying down a …

Everyone is telling the Schnorrer these days about the resurgence of haggling:

How one reader uses haggling to save big bucks
How to haggle
You can negotiate anything
Negotiate once, save thousands every year
How I cut my Comcast cable bill by 33% (without losing any service)

 [The Washington Post: In tough economic times, shoppers take haggling to new heights].
The Schnorrer would like you to know that haggling started him on the Road to Schnorring before he was thirteen years old.  Just before he turned 13, just before he became bar mitzvahed, The Schnorrer’s  father took …

When throwing a party, The Schnorrer frontloads the refreshments presented to his guests with potato chips, potato puffs, pretzels, salsa and corn chips, peanuts and carob.  He offers this wide assortment of relatively cheap starches knowing that his guests will fill up on these, especially when mixed with bloat-inducing beer and soda.  He sits back and watches these amatuers  stuff themeselves on cheap filler, while he strategically holds back the fried chicken, pastrami, and Beef Wellington.  In this way he is both higly regarded for laying out a suptuous spread …

The Schnorrer conscientiously records the birthdays of each and every one of his co-workers.  He then makes sure that his boss knows when each of these days fall.  The boss, interested in the moral of the workplace, will usually spring for a celebratory cake.  This means that the Schnorrer is in for a slice of the action.
But there is far more to this birthday ploy than pastry.  The office birthday party usually occurs during the working hours, and this usually slices a half hour to an hour of the Schnorrer’s …