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Articles in the Ask the Schnorrer Category

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[Apr 13, 2011 | No Comment]
The Foul Scented

Dear Schnorrer,
I have a good aquiantance who I am very fond of, except for one glaring fault.  How do you tell someone they smell bad?
Pepe
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Dear Pepe
With a name like Pepe, I can tell you are an expert on the topic of smelling bad.  Only kidding.  Unfortunately, with a name like Pepe, I doubt whether you can TAKE a joke.  Only kidding.
Now as to your friend: one tactic is to present your PAL with the gift of cologne.  A deodorant would be much too obvious so opt for subtleties like scented …

Ask the Schnorrer, Headline »

[Mar 30, 2011 | No Comment]
Unclean and Late

Dear Schnorrer:
I live with two roommates. One of my roommates has recently become very serious with her boyfriend, and he has gradually increased the time he has been spending at our apartment to the point where he only goes home to get more clothes. Otherwise, he is at our apartment every moment that he is not at work.
Would it be terribly rude of me to ask that he go back to his own apartment each morning to shower? He takes 30 minute showers, which a) leaves no more hot water …

Ask the Schnorrer, Headline »

[Mar 15, 2011 | One Comment]
Sex for Lobster

Dear Schnorrer,
Every Friday night I have dinner with my friend Elizabeth. Although we maintain a platonic friendship, ever the gentlemen, I always pick up the tab. However, last Friday something unusual happened. Elizabeth insisted that we both order the Lobster (the most expensive entrée on the menu). When I asked why, she told me not to worry, as she would be taking care of the bill. This was a good enough explanation for me, so I obliged. But, later on that night Elizabeth uncharacteristically began flirting with me. When I …

Ask the Schnorrer, Counter-Schnorr, Headline »

[Mar 11, 2011 | No Comment]
Pie Filling First, then the Crust

Dear Schnorrer,
Living with a family of schnorring men (I have 4 sons), there is one schnorr that drives me nuts.  Whenever I make or buy a dessert pie, someone thinks they are so smart, and eats filling thinking that I won’t notice that pie has been eaten since the crust is still intact. Your responses are very clever, so I hope you can help here.
Thanks,
Barbara
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Dear Barbara:
Thanks for putting your faith in The Schnorrer.  Schnorring is an action that which falls out of the field of accepted norms. What you describe …

Ask the Schnorrer, Headline »

[Feb 28, 2011 | One Comment]
Ice Cream on AIDS Walk

Dear Schnorrer,
My girlfriend and I went for a nice walk in central park only to discover that the aids walk was going.  I thought it would be nice to enjoy the beautiful weather and walk in the walk.  My girlfriend grudgingly agreed to walk.  We had a nice time.  A member of the walk was giving out ice cream to keep people cool.  I went to reach for an ice cream sandwich, and she refused to allow it and further called me unethical.  Was what I did  so wrong?
Thanks, Michael
The …

Ask the Schnorrer, Headline »

[Jan 26, 2011 | No Comment]
Delivery Scam

Dear Schnorrer,
I live off campus with a bunch of my fraternity brothers.  We order Chinese food every once in a while.  Tom usually orders the food.  A couple of days ago, Tom was studying so I ordered the food.  When the food arrived we got a complimentary can of soda as well as dumplings for ordering a certain dollar amount.  It turns out that Tom has been drinking the free soda and claiming that he’s the one who ordered the dumplings as his dinner……….he is essentially getting a free meal …

Ask the Schnorrer, Featured »

[Jan 3, 2011 | No Comment]
When the Schnorrer says:”HELLO!”

Dear Schnorrer:
I went on a dinner date last night with this guy who I thought was a real mensch.. When the bill came, I noticed that the waiter had accidentally given us the wrong bill–it was half the price it should have been.  Before I could say a word, my date paid the bill and put on his jacket to leave.
What are you thoughts about this incident.  Should I see this guy again?
Thanks,
Rachel.
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Dear Rachel:
The scenario you described exemplifies one of the main principles of schnorring–CARPE SCHNORRUM–seize the opportunity to schnorr
When …

Ask the Schnorrer, Featured, Schnorring »

[Dec 16, 2010 | No Comment]
Whine Shop

Dear Schnorrer:
I recently returned a half empty, half full bottle of wine to my liquor store.  It wasn’t half bad and it wasn’t half good.  The clerk  refused to take it back and give me a store credit.  He argued that I must have had my way with it since it was half empty.  Most unsporting, I thought.  How do you suggest I handle such an episode, and I do plan on having many such episodes, in the future.
Cheers,
Louis De Palma
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Dear Louis:
Don’t I know you from some place? 
The way I …

Ask the Schnorrer, Featured »

[Oct 17, 2010 | No Comment]
So a Death Shouldn’t be a Total Loss

Dear Schnorrer,
Recently, I paid a condolence call on my friend Vinnie whose mother had passed away.  I was awed by the schnorring composure he showed in his state of bereavement.  When anybody asked him:  “Is there anything I can do for you?” and this is something almost everyone asked, he was quick to respond:
“Can you pick up my cleaning”
“I need some milk”
“My cable isn’t working”
“Put some gas in my car”
“Could you lend me fifty bucks?”
“Could you pick up a couple of pizzas?”…….
I had never seen a schnorring mourner before.  What …