Dear Schnorrer,

Every Friday night I have dinner with my friend Elizabeth. Although we maintain a platonic friendship, ever the gentlemen, I always pick up the tab. However, last Friday something unusual happened. Elizabeth insisted that we both order the Lobster (the most expensive entrée on the menu). When I asked why, she told me not to worry, as she would be taking care of the bill. This was a good enough explanation for me, so I obliged. But, later on that night Elizabeth uncharacteristically began flirting with me. When I explained to her that I thought we were better as friends, she whispered in my ear, “I expect more than a thank you when I buy a man Lobster.” At the time this seemed very persuasive and against my better judgment, I slept with her. But, as I sit here alone in my cold, dark apartment I can’t help but feel like a prostitute, a real seafood slut.  Schnorrer, please give me your sage advice. Was it wrong of me to trade sex for a Lobster dinner?

Adam

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Dear Adam,

It was wrong only if you caught a case of crabs.  I hope you also got dessert?

THE SCHNORRER