Here we go again. Another year is almost over. For a lot of people it symbolizes a fresh start and a clean slate. In reality, January 1 is an entirely arbitrary date, but that has never stopped your friends or anyone else from waiting until now to make positive changes in their life.

But with everyone trying to make changes for the better, a natural support network can emerge. So why not help your friends along while making some changes of your own? This is a once a year opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. You’ll help your friends realize their full potential and profit by picking up the pieces of their former lives. You get to do good and get the goods is one fell swoop.

By adopting some less traditional (and more attainable) New Year’s Resolutions, you not only increase your chances of success, but increase your friend’s chances at success in their resolutions as well. It’s a win win all the way around and a way to be a good friend. So read on and seize the day my friends! Most of these high aspirations will be forgotten within weeks so you need be ready to take advantage of this narrow window of opportunity to get something for nothing.

1. Exercise More! This is the most popular New Year’s Resolution and you likely have a friend who’s told you they need to lose some weight. Support their gym endeavors! Most members can bring a guest. Add value to your tagging along by spotting them in the weight room and generally pushing them to be all they can be. If you don’t have a friend with a gym membership, don’t fret. It may be harder to come by a free membership, let’s not kid ourselves, you’re probably gonna quit before spring anyway. But you can get free passes to visit almost any gym in your area just after the New Year. You might have to listen to some sales pitch about losing your muffin top on their state of the art equipment, but you’ll live (at least until your unhealthy lifestyle catches up with you) . Now you just need to “shop around” at every gym in town to maintain that free access for several weeks, maybe longer, depending on how big your town is and how uncomfortable you feel in your doughy skin.

2. Eat More! So maybe exercising isn’t your thing. Maybe you’re married and have just let yourself go, or maybe you just like tasty food. Good for you, you only live once and you should enjoy good food with good friends, or good food from your good friends. If you notice that a friend of yours has started to watch their weight after the holidays, you may have just hit the supportive friend jack-pot. This is when it really pays to be a good friend. Offer to box up perfect Boston Cream Pie and take those delicious donuts home. Let them know you stand in solidarity against the oppressive expansion of their waistline. Grab that bag of kettle chips off the counter, ask to pick their pantry and examine their freezer for fattening foods too. And while you’re at it, ask to borrow their counter-top deep fryer. That thing is a big no no. Explain that without these enticements, they’ll more easily stick to their guns and win the battle of the bulge.

3. Smoke More! Your friends want to quit smoking. You don’t. Even if you’ve tried before, and certainly failed, now is not the time to quit. It is the time to get your friend to hand over his pack. Now is the time to step up, be supportive of this tough decision and help him out. Offer to hold on to his pack (or carton, as the case may be) while he fights through those first few nic fits. He’ll be more successful at quitting if you are holding his pack for him at your place. He’ll be even more successful if you’re smoking his cigarettes for him. He’ll load up on nicotine gum, patches and everything else while you enjoy that smooth flavor. Then, when he inevitably fails (early February), you can quit, and take all that nicotine gum and those patches off his hands.

4. Drink More! If you like smoking, you probably like to tip the bottle back a bit too. Many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, but most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. You can help them by taking temptation off their hands and allowing temperance to prevail in their home. Offer to take that half-full bottle of vodka, and the one of whiskey too, off your friend’s hands to make quitting easier. It may be best to try this while helping him clean up the next morning after night of particularly hard drinking and partying (think New Year’s Eve party), while he is mumbling to himself about not ever doing that again and rubbing his temples. Your kind offer to remove that alcohol from his happy home may be enough to tip the scales and dry him out.

5. Dress Better! Everyone has that hip, fashion forward friend with the smart outfits. Let them know “a new year means a new you!” because their “new you” can mean a new you for you too. Make sense? So before your friend dumps their clothes in the Goodwill box, tell them to think of their friends. Let me elaborate. Old clothes need not die a moth-balled, funky smelling death at a thrift store. They can find new life with a proud new owner, you! Just organize a clothing swap. Invite all your friends, have them BYOB, and feast upon new-to-you fashion.

By: Joel Nihlean

Joel Nihlean is a writer, photographer, musician and graphic artist. His flashy, mysterious blue eyes and unkempt looks earned him work as a literary snob and event host for independent book store, BookPeople. The pay isn’t great, but free books are. He has also paid his dues as a food service peon at various local Austin, Texas establishments. The pay was never great, but the free food always was. He is a nerd. He has nearly 500 movies on his Netflix queue and moderates a monthly science fiction book group.